Medical Miracle

So there is this product advertising on the local radio station called SkinZinc. Some type of skin lotion. Fine. And they are following the trend of your basic weight loss/quit smoking ad where they use fake recordings of people supposedly calling in to praise the product.

So one clown they have calling in for SkinZinc says he tried EVERYTHING to get rid of the dry, flaky skin on his arms, but nothing worked. That is, until he found SkinZinc. Then he says

"It is really the closest thing to a medical miracle."

Really? The closest thing to a medical miracle? Wow! Well I did a quick google search, let's have a look at how this compares to some other breakthroughs.

1. Penicillin, 1929 - The discovery of this antibiotic has quite possibly saved more lives since its introduction than any other single medical advancement. The ability fight infection after combat wounds alone will probably help cement Penicillin's status in history.

But, it will not get dry, flaky shit off your elbows, so no dice penicillin. You lose.

2. Vaccinations - In the past, people were regularly killed or permanently effected by Small Pox, Mumps, Measles etc... then the science of developing and distributing vaccinations comes along. Major infectious diseases are wiped out entirely or controlled significantly.

However, no vaccine yet for dry flaky shit. At least not on your arms. Score another for SkinZinc!

3. Animal to Human Organ Transplants - Baby Fae was the most notable of these procedures, living for 20 days after being given a baboon's heart in 1984. Other strides have since been made, like transplanting arteries, veins or livers out of pigs. Soon, it will be possible to genetically engineer an animal fetus to develop with a fully human organ so the transplant will be human to human but cultivated on an animal host.

Great, but what is the point of living if you just end up with dry, flaky shit on your arms? Without SkinZinc, such life saving advancements are truly meaningless.

4. Artificial Organs/Pacemakers - In 1952 the first cardiac Pacemaker is invented, forever changing the survivability of people with heart conditions. In 1982 the Jarvik-7 artificial heart is implanted into Barney Clark, he lived for 112 days with no human heart to move his blood.

Hello??? He died! SkinZinc never killed anybody. And now people with pacemakers do not have to live out there scientifically extended years on Earth with dry, flaky shit on their elbows.

5. Dobelle Artificial Vision System - Take a blind person, drill holes in their head, insert electrodes to directly stimulate the vision centers of the brain, hook the wires to a digital camera inside a pair of sunglasses and bingo! Like Jesus before him, Dobelle uses this Star Trek type technology to give sight to the blind. Granted, they see the world like they are looking at an animated scoreboard at a baseball stadium, but they can see. And what do they see?

Dry, flaky shit on their elbows, that's what! Without SkinZinc, these assholes might as well still be blind.

There are other medical advancements that can all be found lacking when given the SkinZinc litmus test.

Anesthesia? Crap!
Microscope? Worthless!
X-Rays? Not even close!
Mapping the human genetic code? Child's play!
Robotic limbs controlled by nerve impulses? PUHHHHlease!

Nope, I have to say that SKinZinc is absolutely correct. The closest thing to a medical miracle. One woman caller said she can even wear shorts now, thanks to SkinZinc! How can living nerve transplants that restore function to the paralyzed even be considered in the same breath with that? We are talking about dry, flaky skin here people. Thank God this will no longer be something we have to live in fear of.