You're My Hero!

For many years now I have noticed the word hero getting over-used. In our wishy-washy, touchy-feely, weak on self-confidence and self-reliance, make-up-a-new-word-to-make-a-bad-concept-sound-better- society everyone was becoming a hero. Then 9/11 came along and we started hearing about "the real heros" that are around everyday and people stopped using the hero reference for any little thing but automatically assigned hero status to all firefighters, police and military personel.

This lasted a little while and then we were back to everyone being a hero in their own little way. Doesn't take much to be a hero really. Teachers are heros. Single mothers are heros. If you used to be a crackhead but now you have a job you are a hero. Give something to a charity? Hero. It has gotten ridiculous. The rare occurance when a person does something truly heroic is diluted and lost among oceans of self-important grandstanding about "Everyday Heros" by people who thought they had an ability to spot a "real hero" when everyone else could not.

Bullshit.

The word hero is overused to the point it is almost meaningless.

"I jumped on a live grenade to save my buddies."

"Really, I once helped someone jumpstart their car in Wal-mart parking lot, so I guess those are a wash."

So, I decided it was time to create a clear definition of hero and when it is allowed to be used. This little checklist will help you decide if a person is truly a hero or not.

1. Heros must have risked death or severe injury solely for the well-being of another in similar danger.

Unless your act of heroism put you directly into a dangerous situation that you could have avoided had you not been selfless enough to help another, you are not a hero. This leaves out teachers, coaches, single-mothers, and anyone who ever "saved" someone by calling 911. I hate when I see a news story like this.

"And the hero of this story is Chuckles Farkwarth who saw flames coming out of the house across the street and called 911."

SO WHAT! You can do that without leaving your Lazy-boy. You only risk missing a little of whatever TV show you are watching and that is only if you did not wait for a commercial to call 911. Sorry, not a hero.

Both of the next two criteria for heroism are a little more harsh, but I think they are necessary requirements that need met to arrive at Hero status.

2. You have to SUCCEED in your objective.

This sounds like I am being to tough, I know, but I think it is important. Heros save people. Without that successful outcome it is difficult for me to award hero-statis. This does not lessen the sacrifice or courage of the individual in any way. It is just an important distinction.

To illustrate this one simply lets look at a hypothetical scenario. A building is on fire and a woman, already safe on the street, tells you her kid is still in there. Feeling heroic, you run into the building to save the kid. You have now met requirement one for heroism and are a far better and more courageous person than the vast majority. Now, while you are inside, the roof collapses and you and the child both die. Sorry, but this little twist of fate robbed you of hero status. What you get is "he died trying to be a hero." This is an honorable achievement. It lets the world know that you had the guts and the selflessness to be a hero. You just didn't get it done. Your efforts were heroic, but the outcome was tragic. To be a hero, you have to get the kid out alive. You can then die and still be a hero. If you get the kid to a window and get him out just before the roof collapses on you, then you are a hero.

3. You have to put yourself into a dangerous situation for which you could not be expected to be prepared.

This probably the most controversial of my criteria. This speaks directly to the "all firefighters, police and military are heros" idea. No they are not. Many of the above can go (and have gone) an entire career without being in a situation of true mortal danger. Especially police and military. Many, and it is probably safe to even say most, throughout history served and retired without a real legitimate threat to life. That is not to say that they would not have risen to the occasion had it presented itself, but for most, thankfully, the situation never came up. Firefighters are a little bit different, but I think the requirement should stand as follows;

The nature of these professions carries with it inherent risks which are known, studied and trained for. They each have equipment to better prepare them for such situations and much training based on centuries of experience to best prepare them for their job. That being said, the act of carrying out the specific job for which they are trained and equipped does not make them a hero. Here is the hypothetical scenario:

A building is on fire and the fire department arrives. Firefighters execute their routine of getting a hydrant live and getting water going. They enter the building wearing fire and heat retardant gear and boots, hardhat, oxygen mask, radio, axe and all of their cummalative knowledge of fires, and they have each other for backup. While there can be surprises, these individuals are trained in all the specifics of fires, using their gear to keep themselves alive, how fires spread, when structural damage is becoming to great, etc... Because this is what the job entails it prevents the use of hero being assigned when lives are saved through the execution of the job.

So can a firefighter be a hero? Absolutely. Going into a building after it is known that the structural damage is too great and the commander on scene has ordered the fire-fighters out would be heroic. An off-duty fireman without his backup or gear that risks his life is a hero. There would still be any number of situations that "hero" comes into play. Firemen would know when a certain act leaps beyond the call of duty into the heroic. The point is that over the years there have been many Firemen that were heros. But there were many more that just did the job, weren't a huge asset to the department, made mistakes, or were lazy. People that were always hesitant to take too great a risk and the first ones out of a building when the time came. Firemen know who they would want next to them when the shit hit the fan, and can name other firemen that they would not want to have in there with them. How can they all be heros? They can't. How could you ever be a heroic fireman if every swinging dick that ever rode a truck is a hero by default?

The military is a bit of a conundrum as well. Theoretically they are trained for what they face, and equipped as well, to give them the best chance at life. So not every guy that ever fought or died in combat is a hero. Some were. Beyond the call of duty comes into play on this one as well. Again, the veterans of combat situations know who were heros and who were not. But most were not. Example, you were drafted against your will. You determine that you are going to live no matter what. When the time comes for a major offensive, you let your platoon attack, but you then lay back out of the thick of it. Suddenly, a misplaced piece of "friendly fire" lands a tank shell right on your ass. You are NOT a hero! Yes, you died in combat for our country. Still, NOT a hero. You failed to meet either requirement 1 or 2. You did not knowlingly put yourself in danger for another. The guy that takes it upon himself to attack an enemy position alone to give his pinned-down buddies the opportunity to escape did that. You also did not succeed at anything. Not a hero.

One last point here. I want it known that I do not consider any of these jobs to be easy or routine. They are all filled with the potential for danger and require self sacrifice as a default because of the relatively low wages we pay all of our firemen, police and military. But they do not need a special word for that. No additional word is necessary to command my respect. If you sacrifice money and time with your family waiting around for the opportunity to save my sorry ass, it does not take a word like "hero" to make that meaningful. They already have a word for it that should let everyone know that they are dealing with someone who puts themself on the line for others and should be respected. They are looking at a fire-fighter or soldier or police officer, and those words are good enough for me.

So, sorry to all ex-crackheads that now go to schools and tell kids not to use crack. You are not heros.